i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
