did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
