my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
