Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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