Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
