hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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