So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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