Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize