erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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