ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
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Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.