just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.