I cockslap morals
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive