I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Two words: nipple clamps
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