You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
