hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
