The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
