TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
