If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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