i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
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I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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