Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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