He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
