8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
