Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
