My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
