she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
