my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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