Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
my liver is dry heaving
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
