Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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