I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
