think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
