I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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