Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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