Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
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ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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