I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize