ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
