Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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