I faked an abortion last night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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