this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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