Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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