Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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