you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
