he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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