woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
