just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
