the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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