So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
