The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i think my cat just said my name.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
