we're blogging at a bar
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
