"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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