I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize