Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
