There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
