just tell him i said nine months
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
