Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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