Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
