I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
