put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
