peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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