I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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