WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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