did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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