Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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