What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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