I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
