i just wanna soil my oats bro
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
