I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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