Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
