So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
