i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I love having hate sex.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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