The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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