I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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