my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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