apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
