..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
